Today has been one of those days with too many tears. Unbelievably, none of them were my own. I felt like the kids were simply tag teaming and trying to see who would finish me off first.
I am an only child who now has three. I guess I should be used to the days when I feel like an alien in my own home. There’s the bickering, the competition with each other about nothing, the constant thought that things are not fair, and that I’m favoring one over the other when I thought I did the same thing for everyone. There are times I feel like I’m floating in the Twilight Zone and today was one of them.
I’m sure many mothers feel the same way, but I am convinced only children are at a significant disadvantage in handling this insanity. At least that’s what I try to tell myself when I’m feeling completely unglued. All of it is completely unfamiliar. I observed this strange phenomenon at the houses of friends and cousins occasionally, but the escape to my house generally shielded me from this terror.
All the lies that live buried in my head decided they would make a grand appearance today.
“3 kids…you really are crazy!”
“You’re a horrible mother. Your have no idea what you’re doing.”_(That second part isn’t really a lie I guess)
“No child with a decent upbringing would speak to their mother that way.” i.e. You’re a horrible mother.
“You are so obviously unfit to parent.”
“And you decided to homeschool too?!? You’re a horrible teacher! Pure craziness!”
We met with friends and received a bit of a reprieve, but not nearly enough to not get public school out of my mind, and then I heard the sweetest words I had heard all day, “Daddy’s home!” What?!? Really? It’s early. Don’t toy with my emotions. But it was true, Daddy really was home! And it became pretty clear to Daddy that Mommy had reached her limit. I am so thankful to God that he gave me a break exactly when He knew I needed it. He didn’t want my children sitting out on the sidewalk anymore than I did.
Thank you for taking over the screaming toddler’s bath. Thank you for putting on my favorite Pandora station because you know how much music soothes my soul. Thank you for taking over the big kids’ night routine so I could have a moment to myself. Thank you for coming in with your calm and not making me feel like the voices in my head were true. Thank you God for this man you sent to share this craziness with me.